I Love my Critters

This is my newest edition, Smokie.  I found her in my back yard on July 12th.  She still had the umbilical chord attached to her as well as the entire placenta (afterbirth).  We have no idea how she got there or where she came from.  We were not sure if she was going to make it.  Look how tiny she was!  If it was not for Shannon (doggy) and Zsu Zsu Petals (kitty), she probably would not be alive.  They both took very good care of her, bathing and doing potty duty. 

Zsu Zsu is a good Sissy/Mommy

One hundred pound dog giving a bath to 5 ounce kitten.

Getting a new born kitty to urinate and defacate is no easy task and she most likely would not have survived without them. The dog was actually more gentle with her than the cat was.  Somewhere along the line the older kitty would "forget" it was a baby kitten and would be tossing her up in the air like a mouse or a chipmonk! She was on the bottle until she was almost seven weeks old.  I let her have it until she did not want it anymore.  If I say ba ba to her now, she will run over to me and get on my lap. 

Smokie with her binkie, waiting for her baa baa.

Ahhh, baa,baa!

  I know, cruel right, not really, kittens have extremely short attention spans.  So that is the story of how Smokie came to us.  She is a loving little miracle.  Unlike her sister Zsu Zsu Petals, who refuses to be held or fused over, and worships the dog, she purrs constantly, loves to be held and loved, and has a super sweet disposition. 

Shannon is thinking, "How the heck did this happen?"

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My sweet little Smoke. Her paws are huge!

She is a member of the family now and we love her very,very much!

September Sunday Morning....

Good morning!  Just a quickie because there were too many things in this week to go in to.  Here are the highlights in bullets:

• Once again, God has put people and places in my path that have made me so grateful on so many levels. 
• I did not crack a book all week and rested and slept and I am finally feeling better.  Thank you God!!!!
• My nursing school chick friends and I did some service work this week for some homeless vetrans.  We were but a little cog, in a huge wheel and it was a wonderful experience
• I did study all morning Saturday, then I goofed off with my husband this afternoon, and he bought me a new computer today!!!!!!!
• Guess I will let him off the hook for some stuff I screamed at him about the other day.
• Guess he is letting me off the hook too.
• Sunday was our 18th anniversary, if you look in the back of one of those little Hallmark calendars under 18th wedding anniversary, it says computer, starbucks, cider and donuts. 
• Friday I got to go to the ER and saw a guy with a blown fistula who was hemorrhaging.  I have never seen that much blood in real life.  There was a paramedic student there and three RN's.  The nurse I was working with that day in dialysis was paged there to try and get it under control.  She was cool as a cucumber, walked in and said, "I brought Patty to help me."  (That was so freakin' cool!!!!)
• Tomorrow is more studying, and maybe a motorcycle ride.
• This week is super busy, with some fun sprinkled in here and there.  
• I have been going to meetings at least 2x a week and talking to my sponsor.
• I have also been sticking to my "eating plan" and I think I have lost a little weight. I have been trying really hard, but I am not ready to weigh myself yet.
• I hope you all have a great rest of the weekend.

picture credit: Sunflowers, Vincent VanGogh

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God Just Keeps Showing Up!

Good morning bloggers!  Not a bunch of time to post today, as the studies are a mile high this weekend, but I have to give you at least a small glimpse into my miraculous week!

I had my first "hands on" psych experience this week and it was really something else.  There were so many women there that could have been me at various stages of my life, 19, 34, and present day.  All determined to destroy themselves.  It was as if a mirror was being held up in front of my face for me to see what my fate could have been had I not found sobriety and the 12 steps.  Not only that, but what my future could be if I quit going to meetings and working the steps.  Also, how blessed I am to have gone through all of the counseling for the last three years, from start to finish to deal with my sexual abuse and abandonment issues.  I looked at some of those women yesterday and thought, "Oh God bless them!  They have such a long road in front of them, I pray they choose the right path and find a way to live their lives happy, joyous, and free." Thy will be done.  I am a perfect example of how just a very small amount of willingness can take a person to places they never imagined possible.  When I was 19, I was a patient in a psychiatric unit for trying to overdose on pills and kill myself. I thumbed my nose at the help that was offered to me and signed myself out.
Fast forward to 30 years later.  I am in the psychiatric unit again, this time pursuing a lifelong dream of being a nurse.  I have God, and the people of AA to thank for that.
At the end of the day, since we had so many alcoholic clients, most of my classmates were very curious how one goes straight from the psych unit to an AA meeting.  Ah, yes, there was a whole lot of biting my tongue and fighting back giggles a couple of times! My instructor proceeded to tell the story of Dr. Robert Smith and Bill Wilson and how AA was founded.  She went on to explain Al-Anon and the plight of the sick family of the alcoholic.  I have to say, she did a wonderful job too.


Later on I decided to go to my old home group.  The meeting I started two years ago that I have not been to for six months. We finished the chapter on step 2 in "The Little Red Book", and I felt as if that is exactly where I was supposed to be. My former sponsor was there  Not the one that went crazy on me in the car, the one before that I have been pissed at since last December.  Holy crap, I had no idea it had been that long until just now.  WTF?  Self will gone riot, much?  Anyway......She came up to me and and said, "I am so glad to see you," and we gave each other a big hug.  All of that anger and resentment melted into love and acceptance.  By the end of the meeting I was feeling the same way about the crazy car lady one too.  Life is too damn short for me spend it pissed off and trying to avoid this person or that person.  Is everyone in AA perfect?  Hell no!  Are there some sickos here ?  Hell yes! Am I one of them?  Sometimes!  Hell yes!  Is there hope for me and everyone else?  Hell yes! 

Today I really feel like I am back on the beam.  Tomorrow is me and my husband's 18th wedding anniversary.  By the Grace of God.  If I had followed my will not only would we be divorced, I am sure I would be six feet under, or close to it.  I am still very deeply in love with my husband too , which is a huge miracle.  I am so, blessed!

Tomorrow morning I will get up and thank God for all of my blessings, just like I did today.  I will suit up and show up for a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I am the speaker.  A commitment I made many months ago.  I almost backed out recently because I felt like I had nothing positive to say and nothing to give.  Today I realize, it is not about me.  All I have to do is show up, and God will do the rest! 
Have a great weekend everyone,
Patty

Thank You AA

My friend Mary inspired me to share this today.Yesterday, a group of us students had to go to a MRDD facility to meet some of the clients, so we could come back later and do a teaching presentation for them.  The lady took us to the breakroom and pointed to some tables where some people were sitting and said, "There they are", and turned on her heel and walked away.  We all stood there frozen for a second, and the clients were looking at us a little suspisciously. I started to have feelings of apprehension and negativity, like this is going to go horribly!  These people are never going to trust us or open to us!  Suddenly, I knew exactly what to do.  I kicked into fellowship mode, smiled, made eye contact and  started shaking hands and introducing myself to the cleints.  Big smiles from the clients followed.  Before I got to the second table my fellow classmates followed suit and the next thing you know people were shouting across the room, hey, I want to shake hands!  Within a minute or two everyone was smiling and chatting.  I was very grateful for the rooms of  AA where I learned to do this, and it also took me back to my first days sober.  I remember not even being two weeks sober, and watching the women I was hanging around with circulating around the room, shaking everyone's hand.  Even at meetings where they did not know anyone!  I remember telling "L", I will never be able to do that!  She said, Yes you will, and you will show newcomers what we are showing you today.  Well, obviously, that day came and I was able to practice that principle in all my affairs yesterday and I felt very grateful to be able to give away what had been so freely given to me, even if it was just a smile and a handshake, sometimes it can make all the difference.  It sure did to me, yesterday and on the first day I walked into AA.  Don't you just love it when God gives us exactly what we need, even if we don't know we need it?

Monday....Feels Like Sunday

I am coming out of my denial that school is actually back in session. I spent the bulk of the weekend doing an art project for lab on therapeutic communication and organizing all my folders. Organization is not my strongest suit, but I have created a system that I can use and live with.  It is so imperative that I keep on track as we are doing three weeks of psych- lecture and clinical, and then three weeks of med/surg- lecture and clinical and so on, back and forth between the two, throughout the entire semester.  So just when you get "comfortable" in an area they switch you.  Both of my clinical instructors are the bomb! I feel privileged to be practicing under them. Now the meat and potatoes!  Read, read, read.

I applied for a few jobs through the Federal Work/Study program and I have been hired at the college to work in the science tutoring lab. I will be sitting at a desk saying, "Would you please sign in?" when students enter. I also will have to keep things tidy, and clean the tables and desks each day. My former chemistry professor that hired me said it will be a wonderful opportunity for me to study, I will be allowed to bring my books and dive in.  The only thing I am not allowed to do is use the computers for long lengths of time.  I guess that is why the position is vacant.  The last person played computer games the entire time. That will not be a problem for me. Twenty hours a week at minimum wage, and the schedule is very flexible.  I will not be getting wealthy, but it will feel good to get a little paycheck and be a small part of the workforce.  Not exactly sure when I will start, it takes about two weeks for all the paperwork to go through, etc.  Meanwhile, settling in to classes and I cannot believe that the end is so, so near!

On that note, guess I better get busy.  I want you all to know that I appreciate all of your blogs and I do not know what I would do without you guys!  I am trying to get to more meetings, and I will be attending one tonight.  My sponsor suggested that I go one specific meeting every week, but I have not completely decided which meeting that will be yet.  I am not going to worry or hurry.  Life is good and I am so grateful to be sober.  I have so many other positive things going on in my life, but I do not have time to ramble on about all of them today. LUCKY YOU!!!

Saturday the temperature on deck was 105 degrees.  Today it is 67!  Welcome to Ohio.