Where Do I Go From Here?

I feel like someone has put some kind of wammy on me.  The last couple of days I have been.......um...airheaded...to the max?  Total scatterbrain is more like it.  I took my cat to the vet on Monday for her last round of vaccinations etc. and when I got there and looked at their calendar, I realized that I was a week early.  I wish I could say that I have never done such a thing before, but I have.  So, they were gonna try and fit me in but it would have meant a 45 minute wait with a unhappy kitty in a crate, so I said, I'll just come back next week at 10, at my regular scheduled appointment.  They said you do not have an appointment next week, then I started to argue, I most certainly do!  I have a reminder card on my refrigerator!  Is the insanity starting to shine through for you yet?  Um, yeah, OK crazy cat lady, you are the one that is a week early for an appointment that does not exist. So the big fat juicy cherry on this entire incident is after this transgression I look up and this woman is standing there watching the entire thing, and that woman is none other than the HEAD, The Big Kahuna of the nursing program that I am enrolled in.  Thank God I was not rude!  But I was a total ding bat!  Thank God also that she was more interested in my kitty than anything else.

Fast forward to yesterday...about 24 hours later.  I very discreetly ( I thought)  changed my lab schedule from Wednesday to Tuesday over a month ago on line before any tuition had been paid.  In lecture we were informed that only those who had a stamp of approval from the big kahuna were allowed to do that, funny, I would swear she was staring at me the entire time.  So after she left, I ran out into the hall after her.  Remember that scene in Christmas story where Ralfie grabs the side of the big slide and finally tells Santa what he really wants?  Yeah, that was me, and in turn, I got the old "You'll shoot your eye out kid," response.  (SIGH)  Actually she said that she would think it over and e-mail me. 

I wish I could tell you that was the only incident like this in the last two days, but it is not.  Last night I did sit down and have myself a little cry over everything, and I felt better.  In the big scheme of things, I feel as if God is getting me ready for something....again.  You know, the old growing pains kicking in.  I have been setting many, many boundaries, and that always seems to get me a little down.  No one likes to have their friends pissed off at them, but I guess if they are pissed because you are no longer allowing them to walk all over you, what kind of friends are they?  They are friends that I can love for who they are.....at a distance and on my terms.

So today I am going to do something for myself.  I am going to eat a healthy lunch.  I am going to go swimming and do something good for my body.  I am going to come home and take my doggy for a walk.  I will eat a nice healthy dinner and then, I will go to a meeting at a friends house with a bunch of really cool ladies.  I will ask God to take over, because I think I have been in the drivers seat and that is why I am so off the beam.  Some meditation and prayer is definitely in order. And although I have written that last, I will do that first.

I Love blogging.  I love just being able to allow myself to let it all out here and talk through and share my stuff.  I feel so much better than I did before I sat down to type!  Thanks so much for listening!

Taking Care of Myself

It has been a strange week and as I write, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.  It is all self-inflicted of course.  I had so much stuff going on within a such a short timeline, when I stopped and thought about it all it was like WTH?  What was I thinking?  I was in over-load mode.  So today I decided to Stop, Drop, and Roll.  I cleared my calendar of all obligations except for one, that I really,really want to do.  Time to sit back and breath for a moment. SIGH..........ah that is better!


I think part of the reason for overload is trying to keep very busy as I no longer have a sponsor, at least not for the moment.  I was feeling a little uneasy about the entire thing, (did I do the right thing?)  Yeah  I did.  The writing on the wall became so much clearer this week, and now the message I am hearing is "Easy Does It."


Tuesday I go back to school and I still have alot of work to finish.  Oh, yes they gave us much homework to do before we go back.  Then yesterday they sent out an eight page study guide to be done when we return as well.  Thanks!!!!  That was the defining moment for me, there is not enough hours in a day to everything I had planned and get my work done.  I had to let a few people down, but it will be OK.  They will be able to attend the functions without me, I was merely the transportation because I knew how to get where we were going.  I will write them out directions and they all have cars to get there.


Although I am disappointed in not being able to go, a small part of me is relieved too.  It is time to get things back in balance again.  Since I have been off school it has been all meetings.  Now I have to pick my obligations wisely and do what is best for me.  So, onward and upward as they say, I am off now to hit the books and see if I can somehow figure out acid/fluid balance and arterial blood gas analysis.  Thanks for listening.  Patty

P.S. The other day I inadvertently deleted someone's comment, someone who has never been here before, called "wind dancer" maybe?  I am so sorry for the mistake, and for not remembering your name correctly, thankyou for your comment.
P.S.S. It is now the end of the day and I am just publishing this to my blog, but I think it is important to tell you that I had a chance to get outside for a brisk walk and then meditate today and it really helped alot!

Sunday Morning

Feeling so grateful this morning.  Yesterday I called my Dad, after much mental debate and telling myself...."He's gonna say this or that" or "He doesn't really care about me."  Then justifying several reasons why it is OK for me to ignore his existence..... words spoken decades ago.  Then I remembered this prayer that we studied in a meeting last week, and how we were all going to try and implement it into our daily lives in a healthy way in 2011.

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace!

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console.

To be understood, as to understand.

To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we recieve.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned.

It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

I cannot remember ever having such a loving, sincere conversation with my father.  His words of love,support and pride in me brought me tears, and I told how much it meant to me to hear that from him.  He wanted to know everything that was going on with me in my life.  We talked and laughed for over an hour and before I hung up I told I love him very much, and he told me the same.  I told him I won't wait so long in between calls anymore, he told me to call anytime, he would love to hear from me.  This may seem sort of mundane and normal to some of you, but I can tell you that it is not in any realm of normal for me and my Dad.  God was there with us, I am convinced of that.  What a beautiful New Years gift for me cherish!  A loving conversation with my father, and I will cherish it forever! 

God is so good!