Why am I surprised that there is one? I feel so damn screwed up. Last night I talked to my oldest brother. He told me that I really should have checked my motives before I threw a hand grenade into the middle of the family like that, and before the holidays and all too. I almost fell over. I told him my only motive was to protect a child and do what I think is right. He said I am not going to have this discussion with you, but I will tell you that "T" was so upset he was physically sick and missed work.
I tried to contact them and see if they were OK.
I was told, yes we are OK, a lot of positive things have come from this, but we are ready to move forward.
I said I would love to know what the positive things are?
We do not want to discuss it.
OK, I will leave alone.
Thank you.
I am the bad guy. No one is on my side. I am the crazy liar.
I am so pissed and sad. I would be lying if I said I have not thought about drinking. I have put out a couple of calls to AA's, but have not heard back from anyone yet. The tears really do help.
I took my skills test today and passed most of it. I have to go in on Monday and say: " A person with A+ blood can recieve A- blood because that is one I forgot. I would have swore I said it, God knows she tried to drag it out of me. I guess omitting it is not as bad as saying the wrong one, my error would not neccesarily kill anyone, well unless they were bleeding to death and had A+ blood, because I would not have given it to them. Tell ya one thing, I will never forget it now!
Little by little I am letting this go. It hurts more than I ever imagined it would.
3 comments:
That's terrible! But to be expected. The dust will settle. I think it's great, what you did.
Once when I had decided to drink, after about 6 months without drinking, I drove from my office to a liquor store. Something had happened at work to make me want to drink, which was typical for me. As I stood there in front of the store trying to decide whether or not to go inside, I called someone in AA, who was available to talk at that very moment. She told me to imagine that I was standing on a train platform and that a noisy ugly smelly train (which represented the bad things happening at work) was hurtling by me. She said to then imagine that the train has finally passed me and the bad smells and loud noises and ugly train would be gone and instead there would be a peaceful green view in front of me. Then, she said, walk away from the "train platform" (ie, the liquor store) and resume my day. I did just that, and now, all these years later, I think about that noisy, ugly, smelly train when I'm tempted to drink b/c "I am pissed and sad." Maybe it will work for you.
You did the right thing with your brother. Keep telling yourself that.
OK listen to me girl while I say what you already know (kinda like the blood thing)- Keep your own side of the street clean, which you did. Keep it swept daily. That is all you have to do. They are in charge of their own walkway. When we know we are doing the right thing, then we must let the chips fall where they may.
It's so much easier to for the family to deny but you have stated the truth and no matter how long the truth sits in their minds it won't change. The truth is steadfast even when it is painful.
Go forward with your wonderful life, seek and nurture some friendships that are good for you.
DO IT PATTY !!! :-)
PS: My bloodtype is B+
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