God Just Keeps Showing Up!

Good morning bloggers!  Not a bunch of time to post today, as the studies are a mile high this weekend, but I have to give you at least a small glimpse into my miraculous week!

I had my first "hands on" psych experience this week and it was really something else.  There were so many women there that could have been me at various stages of my life, 19, 34, and present day.  All determined to destroy themselves.  It was as if a mirror was being held up in front of my face for me to see what my fate could have been had I not found sobriety and the 12 steps.  Not only that, but what my future could be if I quit going to meetings and working the steps.  Also, how blessed I am to have gone through all of the counseling for the last three years, from start to finish to deal with my sexual abuse and abandonment issues.  I looked at some of those women yesterday and thought, "Oh God bless them!  They have such a long road in front of them, I pray they choose the right path and find a way to live their lives happy, joyous, and free." Thy will be done.  I am a perfect example of how just a very small amount of willingness can take a person to places they never imagined possible.  When I was 19, I was a patient in a psychiatric unit for trying to overdose on pills and kill myself. I thumbed my nose at the help that was offered to me and signed myself out.
Fast forward to 30 years later.  I am in the psychiatric unit again, this time pursuing a lifelong dream of being a nurse.  I have God, and the people of AA to thank for that.
At the end of the day, since we had so many alcoholic clients, most of my classmates were very curious how one goes straight from the psych unit to an AA meeting.  Ah, yes, there was a whole lot of biting my tongue and fighting back giggles a couple of times! My instructor proceeded to tell the story of Dr. Robert Smith and Bill Wilson and how AA was founded.  She went on to explain Al-Anon and the plight of the sick family of the alcoholic.  I have to say, she did a wonderful job too.


Later on I decided to go to my old home group.  The meeting I started two years ago that I have not been to for six months. We finished the chapter on step 2 in "The Little Red Book", and I felt as if that is exactly where I was supposed to be. My former sponsor was there  Not the one that went crazy on me in the car, the one before that I have been pissed at since last December.  Holy crap, I had no idea it had been that long until just now.  WTF?  Self will gone riot, much?  Anyway......She came up to me and and said, "I am so glad to see you," and we gave each other a big hug.  All of that anger and resentment melted into love and acceptance.  By the end of the meeting I was feeling the same way about the crazy car lady one too.  Life is too damn short for me spend it pissed off and trying to avoid this person or that person.  Is everyone in AA perfect?  Hell no!  Are there some sickos here ?  Hell yes! Am I one of them?  Sometimes!  Hell yes!  Is there hope for me and everyone else?  Hell yes! 

Today I really feel like I am back on the beam.  Tomorrow is me and my husband's 18th wedding anniversary.  By the Grace of God.  If I had followed my will not only would we be divorced, I am sure I would be six feet under, or close to it.  I am still very deeply in love with my husband too , which is a huge miracle.  I am so, blessed!

Tomorrow morning I will get up and thank God for all of my blessings, just like I did today.  I will suit up and show up for a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I am the speaker.  A commitment I made many months ago.  I almost backed out recently because I felt like I had nothing positive to say and nothing to give.  Today I realize, it is not about me.  All I have to do is show up, and God will do the rest! 
Have a great weekend everyone,
Patty