Hello

Good morning bloggers.  I have missed coming here.  I am officially on break!  I passed all of my classes and finally earned the elusive "B" that I have been striving for all through nursing school.  I have missed by a fraction of a point several times but this time I even had a respectful margin.

So, school is going very well on many levels, not only academically, but also on a social level as to how I am getting along with my instructors and developing mutual, respectful relationships.

My sobriety is still my number one priority in life, but meetings have not been.  I also still do not have a sponsor.  Have not been looking or praying for one. Some days I am really a little surprised at how different I truly feel about some of the people in the program.  I had intended to attend a day meeting that because of school I have not been able to go to for a few months. After I took my test and sat in the financial aid office for half an hour I decided to go to Borders and peruse the nursing books there.  As I was shopping it occured to me that, oh darn!  The meeting was starting!  I finished my shopping and headed over to the church and the meeting was letting out.  It was a sort of tradition for us to go to lunch afterward.  So I met a few of the girls at an area restaurant and told them, at their request, that no, I still do not have a sponsor and no, I have been to, or really felt like going to many meetings.  But I have been trying to go to the recovery house meeting at least once a week.  Then they wanted to know why I did not come to the meeting that afternoon and I told them that I had all intentions of going, but I had simply let time get away from me and forgot.  The woman across the table from me accused me of being a liar right to my face.  Then I got the old, you are going to drink.  You are in denial, etc. etc.  I tried to explain that I have finally found balance in my life by going to less meetings, and as long as I have my Higher Power, I am not real worried.  They were not buying it.  Why would they?  I am a liar, remember?  Why does this keep happening to me?  I did not say one derogatory thing about the program or anyone in it!  Just what I needed to do for myself right now and that I really think it is working.  I am so happy, content, peaceful, and live in a drama free environment.  Of course that is impossible, it is just and alcoholic cloud of denial setting me up for relapse.  Sigh.  I have no desire to drink.  I know I am an alcoholic.  But really, if one more AA gets in my face and tells me what I need to do, what I am thinking, feeling, gonna do, or that I am a liar.... I may just walk away forever and not look back.  I am open to suggestions from my blogger friends though, so please.  Am I totally delusional?  Am I heading for relapse? Also, I am almost 6 years sober, and I do go to meetings when I feel like it, which is once or twice a week.  Usually once a week when I am in school.
Thanks for listening.
Patty