First Saturday of Autumn

My posts have become few and far between, only because I spend the majority of my time studying.  The good news is that it is really paying off in very, very good grades. 
I cannot express how much I love nursing school.  It is what I have been working towards for the last four years and now I just love it!

I feel closer to God than ever before. Forgiveness  has been such a huge revelation in my life.  My mom and I are writing back and forth to each other weekly.  I look forward to her letters and she to mine.  Last week she spoke of my stepfather and it did not bother me at all.  I have been able to move past the anger and hate and allow God to make the judgements.  It is all up to God and what a great relief that is!  This whole experience has made my life so much more serene and "uncluttered"  I had no idea how much all of this anger and hate was occupying my thoughts until I released it.  Wow, there is a virtual gymnasium  up there ready to be filled with nursing knowledge!

Last Saturday my kitty of 16 1/2  years passed away.  He had a brain tumor and we knew it just a matter of time.  He went fairly quickly, but it was not pleasant.  Poor little guy.  I kept telling him to go home and he finally did.  Last night when I got home from meeting and pulled into the garage I looked for him to run in front of me and wait for me on the back porch.  A Friday night ritual.  Then it hit me and I remembered he was gone.  There is a big empty space around here that he used to fill.  Spooky was a very verbal kitty.  He like to remind us that he needed treats and he needed them NOW.  He would sit next to the pantry cupboard where the treats were kept and wait and wait.  If eye contact was made you were screwed.  Now he was going to follow you around meowing.  I would tell him he was my handsome little man and he would throw himself down on the floor belly up.  Spook was a good hunter in his day, but lately he would just meow at the backdoor with his "game" until he was acknowledged, and then release it.  He would lay on the deck and watch the birds at the bird feeder all day and maybe every once in a while run them off, but mostly he was a retired kitty who  liked to eat, pick on the dog, and lay on soft blankies.  I miss him more than I ever thought I would.

I don't talk about it much here, but I am coming up on a very significant anniversary.  A big milestone in my recovery.  Aren't they all though?  I am filled with so  much gratitude right now.  I feel like I have been on a pink cloud for the last few months!  It is amazing.  I have been enjoying moment of it too!  I have not been waiting for the other shoe to drop like I used to before.  I am happy and I feel that I deserve to be happy.  God wants me to be happy, joyous and free.  And that is exactly how I feel,despite Spooks death, yes that is sad, but that is living life on life's terms.  It is what is.  I do not have to wallow in sadness.  I am still grieving.  I will always miss him just like I miss all my kitties that have passed before him.  The thought f picking up a drink over it never even occurred to me. I love my sober life.

Now, I must go and get some studying done because I am going to totally goof off tonight!  I am going to a girlie facial party and then we are going to  have an A.A. meeting around the bonfire.  I am told there will be allot of really good food too.  I will take a cake for my girlfriends eight year sober anniversary.

No School Today

My clinical instructor called me at 5:30 AM this morning and told me we would not be having clinical today because she is sick.  Now, don't get me wrong, but woo hoo, five days off and a huge test on Tuesday.  Sorry she is sick, but I welcome having a Thursday off!

Today is my favorite daytime women's meeting.  What a treat to be able to attend!  I cannot wait!

Yesterday at 5 AM my dog got sprayed by a skunk.  Not only did I have school, I had to go to an adult day care center after lab for the afternoon for a clinical experience.  I remember my chemistry professor telling us a recipe for this very thing a couple of years back.  I guess the old tomato juice theory that every one talks about really does not work.  I looked it up online and goes as follows:

                                                                      1 Quart 3% hydrogen peroxide
                                                                      1/4 Cup of Baking Soda
                                                                      1 tsp. dish soap

I had a couple bottles of peroxide and the rest of the ingredients, so I was able to wash her face and head, (the worst hit) before I left for school.  Of course I had to leave her out all day.  For some insane reason my husband let her in the house right after it happened, so the house stunk too, a little.  Thank God I have hard wood floors.  The floors got a quikie job of sprinkling baking soda, pouring peroxide and then squirting dish soap.  The entire fiasco began at 5, and now it was after 7 and I still had to shower, eat, pack a lunch, load my car, and get to class by 9.  Finding a parking spot takes no less that thirty minutes, it is so crowded, but that is an entire post all by itself.  Short story, long, I made it to class with 15 minutes to spare, but was convinced that I probably reeked of skunk.  My classmates assured me that I did not, but I smelled it all day none the less.

The adult day care experience was a joy!  We played hang man, trivia  and had snow cones.  I got to sit and visit with a World War II Army Vetran.  Later he played the piano for us....wonderfully! I had a great time and I am thinking about seeing if I can volunteer there a couple of times a month.  Gonna pray on it for a while and see what comes to me.  Those folks really were a joy though and the staff was awesome too.

After that, it was off to Target for more peroxide and baking soda, oh, and a new collar too.  I mixed up a galloon of the anti-skunk concoction and my husband I scrubbed and sniffed, and sniffed and scrubbed!  It worked really well, she still has a little aroma to her, but she can come in the house and  wants nothing but to lay in her bed today!  She is not used to being outside all day, poor spoiled brat!  By the time we got with that I was soaked from head to toe, so I decided, I might as well pull the plug on the pool.  Holy crap!  Was it cold in there!  O.K. cleaned up the bath mess, took a shower and then realized I had not eaten all day.  I looked at my husband, please take me to Olive Garden.  Off we went, but that place was absolutely mobbed at 7:30 on a Wednesday night!  We ended up at the old stand by and had prime rib! 

God willing......on Saturday my husband and I will have been married for 17 years.  I find it a little mind boggling myself!  We were going to try and take a trip this weekend, maybe even to the ocean, but I really do need to study.  So instead of packing everything up and going I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend of fall temps, maybe some cider and doughnuts, no cooking, and the sweetest man in the world by my side.  We will probably revisit the spot where we took our vows in the park next to our house.

I feel so blessed today to have everything I need, and even what I want most of the time.  I still have to pinch myself and say, "I am a student nurse!"

Labor Day Weekend

The weather is just gorgeous!  Cool, crisp, sunny, warm, breezy.  All good stuff.  Last night I made a campfire and sat out there with God and took everything in.  I sat and listened to the crackle of the fire, and smelled the wonderful campfire smell as the stars slowly became visible in the evening  sky.  I just realized that this is most likely the labor day that I will actually be a card carrying member of a union.  My heart is not particularly breaking over that, although I am very grateful for the union, and the people that sacrificed to make the unions possible.

Life is good.  Life is real, real good.  I am so grateful these days for so many, many things.

Today I am  grateful for:

A loving God in my life, showing up for me, even when I do not seek Him.

To be able to recognize God showing up!

To not only be enrolled in college, but to be attending during the day for the first time, I love my schedule!

To be learning every day what it is going to take to be a nurse and being totally up for the challenge.

A wonderful network of friends who support me and cheer me on.

To still be able to get to meetings and take care of myself.

To really "get it" now when people talk about selling themselves short in their hopes and dreams.  I would have never believed that being sober could ever be this wonderful.  And it is not just the hopes and dreams coming true either , it is the overall sense of well being, love and gratitude that my heart is overflowing with on any given day.

Thank you A.A.'s, for giving me a God when I had none,

For loving me when I did not love myself

For continuously pointing me towards the steps and the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, no matter what my "dilemma".

For keeping the doors open and the traditions in tact.

For passing it on, and encouraging me to do the same.

For showing me by example how to be grateful when it seems like I had nothing to be grateful for.

Have a great weekend everybody!