TGIF

TGIF everybody.  Gonna make this a quickie because I am up early ( for me), and want to get some studying done, so I can goof off later.


Things around here were a little, let's say, "volcano-ish", (I just made that word up.)  But, not for naught as Grandma used to say.  The air has been cleared, issues have been put out on the table and discussed.  Tears have been shed, voices raised, hands held, loving words, hugs, a chapter is waiting to be written.  I guess when you have been married as long as we have, every once in a while we have to clean out the closets.  It feels as if an entirely new channel of communication has been opened up between us and we are off to a fresh start.  It is a great feeling!


Nursing school has not even started yet and the pressure is on big time.  Thanks goodness I have a study buddy, a girl that I got to know last summer in sociology.  We have been keeping each other on task.  We found out the other day that there were 20 chapters due to be read before the first day of class!  They are very long info packed chapters too.  I am not speed reading through them, ( I wish I could!)  I am really trying to read, digest a little, and highlight along the way, I am getting there.  I am hoping to have all of the reading done by Monday, and then I can have time to go over the chapter reviews etc.  It is going to be pretty intense!  Breathing helps!  Speaking of which, I am going to sign off here so I can get to work.


If it were not for Alcoholics Anonymous, and the 12 steps, I would not be sober today, and i sure as heck would not be in college!  I am so grateful!
Thank you A.A. Thank you for giving a God of my understanding that is looking over me and guiding me.  I feel so blessed.  I am living my dream!  Yes I have 20 chapters to read and digest by Tuesday.  But it 20 chapters of all nursing techniques.  All stuff that is teaching how to a great nurse!  Finally!  It has been a long road! 
Have a great weekend everybody!
Love, Patty

Easy Does It........Gratitude

Good morning!  I cannot even begin to tell you how much everyone's recent comments mean to me!  School is a week away and I am already freaking out!  Those muscles in the back of neck are already starting to tighten up... Breath.....Relax....Easy Does It!

Today I am grateful for:

A loving God in my life
The Program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 Steps
To be clean and sober today
A loving, hard working, husband
My doggy and kitty, they bring me joy!
The privilege of being able to attend college
A warm perfect morning on the deck, writing my heart out!
Chick meetings, they rock in case you forgot, LOL!
All of the tedious, thankless chores I get to do today
Walks in the park, anytime I want to.
Sponsee's, thank you God!
Forgiveness, of my myself and others for all the big and small things, What an awesome gift to myself on so many levels.
The feeling that my spirituality is branching off into areas that I never knew existed.
Fresh tomatoes from the garden
Floating in the pool
Going for a bike ride
My entire life, and all the good and bad stuff that has brought me right here, right now to this moment
This day today
All of you who are reading this!  XO  

Post # 400

Wow, my 400th post.  The 400th that I published.  There are many that never make it here, mostly whiny ones!
 It has been a busy, busy week.  I have ten more days off until I start school.  I went and got my books the other day to the tune of $1016.00.  There are 15 books in all, and this just for one class.  I am so grateful I have all of my prerequisites finished.  I could not imagine taking 10 or 12 more credits on top of this, but in reality, if I had started as a full time nursing student at the time I was put on the waiting list, that is exactly what I would have been doing.  I am sure there are some students in my class that are doing exactly that.  Whew!  Thank God for waiting lists!  Everything is unfolding in it's own perfect time for me.

Besides getting ready for school, (I have to go computer shopping today).  I have been able to see and feel Gods love and presence in my life on an entirely different level these days.  It feels as if I am seeing more and more things more clearly everyday.  I know that is  a lot of mores.  I have been up since four, could not sleep, so please pardon my grammar and punctuation. But, anyway, not all of it is nice and it has been a constant effort to just love some of the people that are very close to me, and NOT take their inventory.   Every night I get a big speech about this a-hole and that a-hole, and why can't they just be nice to me, if only they would smile etc.  Umm, excuse me?  Why don't you put your money where your mouth is you miserable person?  I keep telling myself over and over again.....It's not about me, it's not about me.  I even had the audacity to suggest the other day that everything may just not be about him either.  Did not go over very well.  Shame on me for holding the mirror up in his face.  Why can't he see that he is treating me, the way he is complaining about how everyone else treats him?  Sigh.  I feel better having written it out.  It has just been one of those weeks where I stand at the kitchen sink while the rant goes on and on, and pray silently, "God, please give me some of your love for this person today, because I just do not have any."  So when I woke up this morning, my heart took a turn on the entire issue.  This person obviously has very low self esteem, and I have never been able to see it before, because I thought all the yelling was all about me.  While I try to not take the inventory and have compassion, I am human too, and do not necessarily like being spoken to in the tone of voice that is used for any length of time.  SO if it escalates with no end in sight I simply leave the scene.  Sometimes that means taking a walk or getting in my car and leaving.  I can listen and be empathetic, but when it starts to feel abusive, adios.  I have finally learned that I do not have to stand there and wait for him to change to make me OK.  I am already OK, but I am going to stand over here in this positive light that I love, you are allowed to stay in your negativity as long as you wish!

On a brighter note, I did a fourth step with a sponsee on Sunday night and she just glowed afterward.  To top everything off we went to a meeting right after and heard some awesome stuff that fit in with everything we had just discussed.  Very cool.

Yesterday, with my heart open, I was able to help someone that I had a huge resentment towards not very long ago.

Despite the occasional downside to things, I have been especially grateful lately, for everything.  I can feel myself going with the flow of life on so many levels.  It is truly amazing!
Have a great Friday the 13th everybody!
(Hope this was not too whiny)

I am not superstitious, I was born on Friday the 13th!  Lucky me!

Amazing Grace

Good morning!  So happy it is Friday, even though it means that there are only 17 more days until school starts!  It really feels as if summer is totally winding down.  It has been a good one for me, too.  I have taken the time to rest and relax.   I have several sewing projects in the works that I want to complete before school starts and that is what I will be focusing on in the next two weeks.  I really hope I make them all come to fruition!  Looks like I need to put the summer projects on the back burner until next year!

Friday night means my favorite meeting of the week and guess what else?  I do not have to make coffee for the first time in over a year.  WOOO HOOO!  I had a dream last night that I showed up to the meeting at 8:55. It starts at 8.  Pretty funny.

I have a list of things I really need to do this morning, like clean the cat box and run the sweeper and mop,mow the lawn, blah, blah, blah.  Last night we had several storms and hopefully all of the humidity blew out of here.  Right now I have the windows open and fans running, but that could all change.  The day before yesterday I made 12 loaves of zucchini bread.  They are going fast!  My husband has been taking to work and I will take some to the meeting with me tonight.

That is about all that is going on in my world today.  I received another letter from my Mom this week and it was very nice.  I sat down and wrote back to her and it just flowed.  Yesterday at a meeting  about the 8th step a woman was talking about forgiveness.  Not about being forgiven, but forgiving others.  It so nice to be able to relate to what she was saying and to not tune it out like I would do before.  I just did not want to hear it.  But yesterday I could totally relate to the freedom and serenity that she spoke about.  The weight being lifted off my shoulders.  The more I work the steps and trust God, turn it over, the lighter my load gets.  We have no clue how much we are actually carrying around with us until the burden is lifted.  Kind of like the veils being removed, I always thought I could see things pretty clearly, then God removes these veils and suddenly my "vision" becomes so much clearer.  All in God's time.
Reminds me of the song "Amazing Grace."
"I was once lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see."
Life is good and I am so grateful!

Tuesday Morning Bullets

• Good morning.  Seems like my posts have been few and far between lately.  Just not in much of a mood to write, it will probably change when school starts.
• I got a really nice letter from my Mom and it made me cry....... good tears.  I have not written back to her yet, but I am going to soon.
• I got an invite to my oldest brothers 50th B-Day in Florida .  My Mom will be there.  I almost made a plane reservation, but ended up changing my mind.
• Last Thursday I went to Nursing School orientation and had a great time.  The class of 2011 put on a nice luncheon and gave us a lot of encouragement and support.   I submitted my wish list in for my clinical locations, and if I get what I asked for I will be doing my training right up the street from my house during the second half of the semester.
• So many things have become crystal clear to me this year.  I feel as if I have walked out of a fog that I never realized I was in, until now.  It is pretty cool, but also holds me accountable.  God must believe I am ready.  As the fog has lifted a wonderful feeling of                       "Calm Acceptance" has washed over me and it is really wonderful.
• I started this blog on a search for "Calm Acceptance", and here I am full circle it seems.  I never realized it until I started writing this morning either.  Blogging pulls so much out of me that I never realize is there until I start typing.
• The only credit I will give to myself is for having about a thimble full of willingness when my journey into recovery began, and I am sure that it had to come from God too.
• I am one of those folks who sold myself and my hopes and dreams way short when I got here.  I would have never believed that I could ever feel this good about living my life.
• I would have never believed that I could love and accept other people the way I do today.
• That's why we have to live this program one day at a time, because as alcoholics, there is no way in hell we could handle this much good all at once!  It has to all come in God's time.
• The more I put my trust in my Higher Power, the more enlightened, peaceful, serene and accepting I become.  What a gift!
• I am so grateful for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 steps that have given me this wonderful life that I love living sober, one day at a time.

"We enjoy moments in which there is something like real piece of mind.  To those of us who have hitherto known only excitement, depression or anxiety-in other words, to all of us-this newfound peace is a priceless gift.  Something new indeed has been added.  Where humility had formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient which can give us serenity."
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pg. 74