Post # 400

Wow, my 400th post.  The 400th that I published.  There are many that never make it here, mostly whiny ones!
 It has been a busy, busy week.  I have ten more days off until I start school.  I went and got my books the other day to the tune of $1016.00.  There are 15 books in all, and this just for one class.  I am so grateful I have all of my prerequisites finished.  I could not imagine taking 10 or 12 more credits on top of this, but in reality, if I had started as a full time nursing student at the time I was put on the waiting list, that is exactly what I would have been doing.  I am sure there are some students in my class that are doing exactly that.  Whew!  Thank God for waiting lists!  Everything is unfolding in it's own perfect time for me.

Besides getting ready for school, (I have to go computer shopping today).  I have been able to see and feel Gods love and presence in my life on an entirely different level these days.  It feels as if I am seeing more and more things more clearly everyday.  I know that is  a lot of mores.  I have been up since four, could not sleep, so please pardon my grammar and punctuation. But, anyway, not all of it is nice and it has been a constant effort to just love some of the people that are very close to me, and NOT take their inventory.   Every night I get a big speech about this a-hole and that a-hole, and why can't they just be nice to me, if only they would smile etc.  Umm, excuse me?  Why don't you put your money where your mouth is you miserable person?  I keep telling myself over and over again.....It's not about me, it's not about me.  I even had the audacity to suggest the other day that everything may just not be about him either.  Did not go over very well.  Shame on me for holding the mirror up in his face.  Why can't he see that he is treating me, the way he is complaining about how everyone else treats him?  Sigh.  I feel better having written it out.  It has just been one of those weeks where I stand at the kitchen sink while the rant goes on and on, and pray silently, "God, please give me some of your love for this person today, because I just do not have any."  So when I woke up this morning, my heart took a turn on the entire issue.  This person obviously has very low self esteem, and I have never been able to see it before, because I thought all the yelling was all about me.  While I try to not take the inventory and have compassion, I am human too, and do not necessarily like being spoken to in the tone of voice that is used for any length of time.  SO if it escalates with no end in sight I simply leave the scene.  Sometimes that means taking a walk or getting in my car and leaving.  I can listen and be empathetic, but when it starts to feel abusive, adios.  I have finally learned that I do not have to stand there and wait for him to change to make me OK.  I am already OK, but I am going to stand over here in this positive light that I love, you are allowed to stay in your negativity as long as you wish!

On a brighter note, I did a fourth step with a sponsee on Sunday night and she just glowed afterward.  To top everything off we went to a meeting right after and heard some awesome stuff that fit in with everything we had just discussed.  Very cool.

Yesterday, with my heart open, I was able to help someone that I had a huge resentment towards not very long ago.

Despite the occasional downside to things, I have been especially grateful lately, for everything.  I can feel myself going with the flow of life on so many levels.  It is truly amazing!
Have a great Friday the 13th everybody!
(Hope this was not too whiny)

I am not superstitious, I was born on Friday the 13th!  Lucky me!