All is Well

I was actually going to make this a farewell post,but I guess I am not ready yet, because a bunch of stuff came pouring out.  I have been very busy, not really much of anything, cleaning, going to meetings.  The other day I almost got run over by the tractor trying to keep it from going into the creek, so once again I am a hurting unit.  I am going to wash my curtains today and hang them on the line.  I might even take all the covers of the couch cushions and pillows and wash them, that is about as adventurous as it gets for me today!

• My relationship with my sponsor has gone through a drastic change.   God reveals things to us when we are ready.  At first I thought I was seeing a person in her that never existed before, and then I realized that she has always been this way, I was just unable to see it, with her up on that pedestal and all. I am not making any major decisions about what to do yet, but so far prayer has lead me to the conclusion that I can love and accept her for who she is.  The whole experience has brought me closer to God, and given me a broader understanding of myself.

• I have started to pray for all that have harmed me.  I no longer wish any ill will on anyone for anything they have done to me.  This has been a long, long time coming and it really feels right and good for me (finally).  I honestly never  thought that it would.  When I would hear other people talk about forgiveness I would think they were full of crap.  But now, here I am.  I am so grateful that I had a sponsor and a counselor that encouraged me to get mad as hell first, and for as long as I needed.  I do not need to be mad, resentful and hateful anymore.  I have no idea what my true purpose in life is.  I do not know what God's plan is for me.  But, I do know that it is not to hate others and be hateful.  God wants me to love.  God is love.

• I am so, so grateful to be coming out on the other side of this.  It is so easy to stay stuck in the place that I was, that hurtful, place where I was always the victim.  I had to stay there until I got really, really sick of it.

• I am all ready for nursing school.  I have all the funds in order.  Uniforms ordered.  Shots,physical.  I take my basic lifesaving class later this month and all of my ducks will be in a row and I will be ready to hand in everything on my checklist.  I am so excited!  I have no idea what will happen with the work/unemployment picture.  I did apply for a couple of jobs this week.  It is all in God's hands.  The footwork has been done by me, the rest is up to my Higher Power.

• I hope everyone has a great Forth of July weekend!