Wednesday Morning

Good morning!
No more excuses for why I have not been here.  I have been busy not blogging, LOL!

Founders Day was absolutely wonderful!  Totally unplanned and off the cuff.  I ended up spending the day with my friend Kim.  We went to a few meetings and then before the big meeting Saturday night we went to this Lebanese restaurant off the beaten trail and had an awesome dinner.  With the exception of two little 9 oz. coca colas, I stayed on my diet all weekend.  Even brought my husband home a piece of chocoholic chocolate cake.  I did not attend as many of the step panels as I like to on Friday.  I was just out of sorts.  Almost grabbed my friends cigarette right out of her hand and sucked it down.  I left early and came home.  It all worked out  just as it was supposed to.  I had a nice dinner with my husband and headed out to make coffee for my home group. Shortly after I arrived at the church, two girls showed up to help me.  What a blessing!  There were six of us there that night.  Seven counting God, because the presence was overwhelming for me.  Afterward we had a little Group Conscious meeting and got some stuff organized for our anniversary.  Our one year is coming up in one month!  God is so good!

Some family stuff has come up, and it is because of me. I have been on Facebook and I have been in contact with family members I have not talked to in years.  Sad as it sounds, I am talking about brothers and sisters. That has been wonderful. Some other people have tried to contact me and I am so grateful that I am able to say, "No".  It is so freeing to be able to take care of myself.

I saw a picture of my Mom on my sister-in-laws page the other day.  It was from her birthday in April.  She looked really sad and tired.  If you have read my story, then you know the dynamic between us.  It is what it is.  BUT!  The good thing is that having seen that picture caused a few small revelations to occur in me. There was no guilt on my part, but compassion,  I am ready to  pray for her.

While I was at Founders Day, I broke the 6th tradition and perused the off site vendors.  Now, I did not buy anything that had the AA name or triangle on it, I know better than that today.  But, I did buy a little set of dog tags that I am wearing right now.  They say, "Grace" and "Forgiveness."  God has given me so much grace, I am  praying I am able to give forgiveness.  If you really, really know me, you know that this has been a long road for me to even want this in my recovery.  But it really feels right today.  I am so grateful that I did not try and force it before it was time.  Well, I did and ended up with the nervous breakdown. LOL!  Hey, who ever thought you would see a "LOL" after that statement!  I pray that life is settling down after several months of emotional purging.  I am starting to take care of myself again.  By eating good food, exercising, and trying not to overdo.  Balance!  What a joke!  But seriously.  I feel so peaceful and serene today.  I feel like the boundaries are in place and working.  I am doing what I need to do for Patty to recover.  I am going to the meetings I want to go to, when I want to go.  I am spending more time with my husband and have cut back a little on the service work.  I am saying "No", when I want, and "Yes" when I want.  I do not feel like I owe people long explanations or excuses either.  Very freeing!

Now it is time for me to move along and get busy today.  I will never give up blogging!  I love being anonymous and being able to say whatever I want, without someone saying, "I can't believe you said that!"  "What if so and so finds out."  No secrets here, but some of the things I say may be hurtful to some people.  My brothers have no idea that their father is a molester and a predator.  I can see no purpose in telling them about this especially since they do not have any children (yet). I do not wish to be hurtful to anyone.  On the other hand, I do not have to keep the secret anymore either. 
I am so grateful for my life today exactly as it is!
Thank you God!
Thank you AA.
Thank you fellow alcoholics for keeping the doors open and the traditions alive.
Thanks for saving a seat for me in this wonderful fellowship!