A Wonderful Day

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  I hope you all had a great day.  I sure did, and hardly anything went as I had planned it!  Yesterday I wound up having to work a twelve hour shift, this after being at school till almost ten the night before.  By the time I got home and ate and took a shower, all of my plans of making homemade cranberry sauce and pies etc.,  fell to the wayside.  I woke up on my bed at midnight with my hair in a towel, and me on top of the covers.  I hate when I do that.  So, this AM I had so much to get ready and I figured there was no way that I would be able to make the annual morning Thanksgiving speaker meeting.  I knew who the speaker was and I wanted to hear her message really bad.  Oh, well, maybe another time!  I looked at my cell phone and at 5:30 AM someone had sent me a text asking me to take them to the meeting.  I sent a text back, "Pick you up at nine."

I made dressing, cranberry sauce, scalloped corn and got the turkey in the oven.  We made it just in time, unfortunately, I could not remember where the hall was, and drove around for a good twenty minutes looking for the place.  UGH!!!  But we made it and found seats!

We sat down and I looked around the room.  As soon as the lady stood up to speak, the tears started.  I don't know if it was all because of her message or because my life has been so darn busy and I looked around that room of probably over two- hundred people and I knew almost every one of them, and I missed those folks!  This was my family, right here!  The lady speaker immediately introduced herself as a recovered alcoholic and went on to explain very precisely why she is recovered and not recovering.  Hmmm, seems I heard this somewhere else this week and could not quite wrap my head around it.  she explained it and I understand it now.   I love it when I hear the same thing twice in one week.(thank you God)
So I get home and finish up a few things. I am relaxed.  I am not worried.  I am not concerned that all will not be perfect.  I am not concerned that it will not be enough.   Sister in law and family arrives and I am happy to have her help.  Now that folks is a miracle!  The last time I cooked Thanksgiving dinner I told her very matter of factly, to get the "F" out my kitchen.  Today  I welcomed her assistance and knew that however she chose to do things would be just fine!  My eighty-four year old, Slovak mother in law showed up and covered my face in kisses, thanking me over and over for making dinner today.  There were tears in her eyes.  After dinner I made some coffee and went in the living room and lie down for a moment.  Actually my husband had everyone captivated with a story I had heard about a hundred times, so I just exited stage left for a moment and enjoyed a cup of coffee and some "Uncle Buck."  I love that movie!!!!  When they noticed I was not at the table anymore, sister in law and hubby insisted that I stay right where I was so they could clean everything up.  I let them do that for me.  A little bit later, my sis in law comes out and asks me if I would like a neck rub!  I am not kidding!  Meanwhile everyone is telling me how great dinner was and thanks for doing all the work etc. It was the easiest ever!  And I did have lots of help!  This morning after I got my turkey in the roaster and started something else, I said whoops!  And I went back,opened the lid and whispered, "Love" into the roaster.   Pretty silly, huh?  That was the best turkey I have ever roasted, ever!  I know this probably seems like a long boring blow by blow of my day, but the reason I had to include all of these details is because I felt so much love from my husbands family today and it is not because it has never been there before, it is because I just could not or would not allow myself to feel it.  nToday I did, and it felt really good.  I also allowed people to help me like I have never let people help me before.  It felt so good to just let go of everything this morning with God's help of course.  And it all turned just wonderful. Actually this is not a complete blow by blow, there were many, many other blessings in this day today. Like my two nieces who have grown up to be smart, beautiful young women. Who gave me huge hugs and kisses and told me me they love me. I have never done anything to deserve that. I am so grateful!

I took a wonderful nap, and woke up in time to go to a Thursday night meeting that I think saved my life four years ago on Thanksgiving.  I had thirty two days sober.  My sponsor had stood me up for the same meeting that I had attended this morning  No one was answering their phone that night.  I drove to an out of town meeting that I thought for sure would be open.  No one was there.  I headed back home and was seriously thinking about getting drunk.  I had the perfect excuse too, with the whole sponsor thing.  I had sat on bunch of resentments all day.  I took one last chance on a church very close to my house.  I had been there on a couple of other nights.  The lights were on.  They were having a meeting.  Everyone told what they were grateful for that night.  My list was very short.  I was grateful for God, AA and for the meeting that I found that night.  Tonight a few of those folks were there that had been there the night I showed up all a mess.  There were some that I never saw before too, that needed that meeting tonight like I needed it four years ago. I was so glad I was there. I am so grateful for my life today.  Thank You God!
Thanks for listening!

PS-jENN gave me an awesome award, and I have to write seven things about me that you do not know, and pass it on. I hope to do that this weekend! Meantime, thanks jENN!! I love you!

Sunday Night

Just a quick post to catch up on some stuff.

•   Still not feeling very well.  No fever, but still sore throat and very, very tired. 
• Worked four ten hour shifts this week (normal) so I had  a three day weekend.  Friday I slept all day.
• I cannot for the life of me remember one thing I did yesterday.(?)
• OK, walked dog, got a pizza, that's all I recollect.
• Having hubby's family over for Thanksgiving this year.  I think this will be my first sober Thanksgiving, cooking for everyone.  Cool.
• Tomorrow night is homegroup.  I hope I feel up to it.
• I have to make coffee Friday night.  She almost made it, I was so optimistic that this would be the month someone was able to fulfill their entire month long coffee making commitment.
• I was able to be there for a sponsee this weekend in a time of need.  We texted each other until the wee hours last night.  Today all is well.
• Despite my not feeling well, I am not in a morass of self pity(yet).  I am feeling very grateful, and my hubby is helping me out.
• Besides the Brenda Vacarro voice and being really tired, I'm not that bad.
• I date myself with the Brenda Vacarro comment!
• NASCAR is over, my NFL team is officially the worst in the league.  Bring on the holidays I guess.
  
• This has to be the most boring post ever!
• Oh, thanks to Tall Kay for the award, how sweet!  Thanks for thinking of me, I am honored!
• I would like to pass it on to my friend jENN, she is feeling a bit down today.  Hang in there sis, you are loved and thought about over here in Ohio.
  

Tuesday Night Bullets

• Still feeling very grateful, but very tiredy
• Left work early today to go to doctor, acute laryngitis, very hurty, but no flu
• Late night at school tonight, quiz in lab, aced it!
• Test on lecture Thursday, tomorrow night is crama-jama
• Went to home group last night, almost stayed home.  I am so glad I went!  I have been looking and looking for this sentence, I have not been able to find it since the night I set up this blog almost two years ago:

"When, with God's help, we calmly accepted our lot, then we found we could live at peace with ourselves and show others who still suffered the same fears that they get over them, too.  We found that freedom from fear was more important than freedom from want."
[Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pp 122]

• 10:15 PM, time for a shower, meds and bed for this girl, will catch up on blogs this weekend!
  

Saturday Morning Gratitude

Today I am Grateful and Thankful:

• To have a loving God of my understanding in my heart
• To be awake and alert on a Saturday morning (slight chocolate cake hangover, LOL)
  
• For my loving husband and the life and home we have together
•  The kritters, my sweet doggy and kitty
  
• A job that pays me very well so I can clear my desk of all bills today and still have enough to buy food and shop a little too! ( I forgot what that is like)
  
• The women of AA
  
• "K" who has four months today, she is a blessing to me
• The 12 steps and this awesome journey
  
• Being able to see and feel God's grace 
• To be right where I am at this moment today
  
• This wonderful November weather we are having..... I am going to enjoy it right now!
  

Taking Time for Friends

Did anyone out there read the daily reflections today? If you didn't, you can read it here .  I have also added the link on my sidebar. It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning at the start of another 24 hours on this planet!  If the new meeting I started continues to grow and do well, at least as far as getting peeps to show up to chair and make coffee, I would just love to start another meeting.  An open meeting where we read the "Daily Reflection" for that day and then have a discussion about it.

Whenever I am at a meeting and the "Twenty-Four Hour Book" or the "Daily Reflections" is read, when they are finished I always whisper, "That was a really good one." to whomever is sitting next to me.  Of course they are all really good ones.

I got off work two hours early today, for good behavior, ha, ha just kidding.  I decided to take a different route home.  A friend I have not seen or heard from since last summer owns a laundry mat down that road.  For some reason she has been on my mind a lot lately.  As I drove by I spotted her van and pulled in.  I opened up the door to the laundry mat and yelled, "Hey, I just smashed into a purple van out here!"  Without batting an eye she turned around and told the person she was talking to on the phone, "I gotta go, Patty's here."  She is one of those friends I can go a year or more without so much as a phone call and we can pick up right where we left off last time.  No, "Why havent you called?" or any of that stuff.  She told me that she is never,ever there that late.  It was a total fluke that she was still working.  I told her no it wasn't, we are supposed to have a visit today!  We had a really nice visit and laughed and laughed. She knew I quit smoking before I even told her. I helped her wash her windows, (sorta), heard all the latest funny stories about her kids and of course some laundry mat stories.  You would not believe, she should really write a book!  I filled in some blanks on my journey since we last chatted.  An hour later I called my husband and told him to order a pizza for me to pick up on the way home.  A few more minites to visit, promises to keep in touch better this time.  Hugs goodbye.  A very nice day!

What a Day

What a heck of a day today.  I really worked my tail off for one of the most sarcastic, put you down & try to make you feel like crap, a-holes,I have ever come across.  By the  the end of the day I was wore down to just about a nub.  I got in my truck  and by the time I got to the end of the driveway I was in complete meltdown mode.  I made it home and then I really let loose.  I was tired, filthy dirty with concrete splattered all over my face, and I wanted to give up and go to bed!  WAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!(OK this stuff is now officially and permanently in the dumpster)

I called my sponsor and she talked me down, God bless her!  We got to the root of a few things, I have some writing to do this weekend, no pressure, when ever I get time and want to feel better.  LOL. ;)  Anyway, the ONLY reason I am telling this tale of woe is because of the wonderful moment of clarity I had on the way home from school.  Oh yeah, I had to go to school tonight for three and a half freaking hours too.  I took a shower, dried my tears and put on some big girl pants and off I went.  And I am so glad I went.  The last couple of days at work I have been feeling like maybe my skills are diminishing, I mean how do skills like,  stacking concrete forms, carrying planks and running after stuff diminish? I don't know, but they do. Maybe just a little tired form staying up and studying?  Maybe.  Someone will ask me to do something , and I will say Huh?  Who me?   Sorry, I was thinking about my kidneys and the renal cortex and all the really cool stuff that goes on in there.  LOL  But I also have been having this incredible energy off and on too.  I mean energy like I have not had in years and years.  I attribute that to my not smoking for almost six months now!!
So I get to class and get two tests back.  One for a vessel test we had on the cadaver last week, and the other on the lymphatic system.  Respectively I got an 85 and an 82.  I was floored!  Especially on the second one!  Wow that test was a B-I-T-C-H!  THEN tonight in class almost every question I answeed was right.  That never ever ever happens.  My professor even said, "Thats right!  Excellent,Patty"  Everyone turned around and looked at me.(in utter disbelief)  It felt really good.

On the way home I had a talk with God.  I told Him I get it.  I can do this.  I can do this thing. If I keep applying myself the way I have been it will be much more pleasurable for me too.  Hey, I don't need to get straight A's.  I don't need to make the deans list (although I did over the summer, and another time before that :) God has been helping in the self dicipline area.  It's hard to study when you want to do fun stuff like shopping or go to home group which I missed this week, or just sew the day away.  So, anyway, I don't even know if this went in the direction that I had originally intended.  But I had a horrible day, and I wanted to give up, but I did not, and I had a great night at school, achey knees and all.  It really feels like the stuff is flowing in and staying.  This is something I prayed for.  I asked for help, I recieved it.  The a-hole guy?  Well no matter where you go, theres  gonna be those.  I am just feeling so grateful for the whole day and my whole life.
Thanks for listening.  Now its off to bed for this girl!  Oh yea, one more thing:
            THANK YOU VETRANS!!!

Walking Through Fire

[This started out as a post about what I think someone else should be doing and feeling, so I decided to turn it around into what I did and how it felt.]

Hi everybody!  My name is Patty and I have walked through the fire and I have come out on the other side.  It was not an easy thing for me do you see.  I had to trust, I had to believe!  In a power greater than me to carry me through those flames that tried to make me retreat over and over again.  But I did not.  Oh, boy I wanted to.  More than once, more than twice even.  But God picked me up and said, nope, we are gonna finish this girl!  So I trudged and I climbed and finally I jumped.  And I was caught. And now I am free!

What is your biggest fear?  Mine was seeing the truth.  The absolute unadulterated truth about myself and everyone around me.  We are all God's children.  Each and every one of us.  He knows exactly how many hairs are on your head. He knows when we are going to screw up and when we are going to succeed.   I did not take one step forward alone.  I did not take one step back alone. (even though I thought I did)
Everything happened exactly as it was supposed to and is still happening.  The healing process takes time.  I am so grateful I am giving that to myself.

I walked through the fire!!  I walked right through the fire!!  And today I can look back, just for an instant and see that painful, horrible, ugly, God forsaken past.  And I can see it all as a blessing to me.  It has made me, me. The me I am right here , right now. I am so grateful to be here right now today telling you, shouting out to you, that I have walked through that fire, all the way through!  And you can too!

Let's Go for a Walk in the Park

Come on! Let's go!